I’m afraid to go to my meeting. There, I said it. I know I will have put on a pound or two and I don’t want that marked on my card. Because then I will have failed. I want to not go and work hard over the next week to sort it out, but I said that last week and I haven’t.
I’m not feeling very motivated today. D is away for most of the week at a work thing so I’m home alone with only the cat to watch me stuff my face. I’m determined to start sorting the house out while D is not there getting in the way as it will keep me busy and it really needs doing. Our house needs a thorough clean and there is loads of laundry to be done. Clothes in general need sorting out as half of mine need chucking anyway. There is also a fair amount of general rubbish and junk of mine that needs chucking and the kitchen is a disgrace, I’m astonished the cat hasn’t moved out.
I finally finished my motivational poster today, only about three weeks late! I had so many images I ended up making two. One is an activities poster which has a load of pictures from magazines that show girls biking, riding, skiing, climbing, running and anything else you can think of. In the centre of the poster is the tag line “A way of life...” which I really like. I laminated it and it is currently stuck up behind my laptop where I can see it all day. The second poster is more of a health and happiness one with pictures of girls on beaches in bikinis, yoga and there’s one really good picture of a girl on a bike with her legs stuck out and a big grin on her face looking really happy. I’ve laminated that but there isn’t any room in my office for it at the moment so I’m either going to make room or take it home.
I know why I’m feeling down and dozy and generally can’t be bothered today. I scoffed a curry takeaway last night and a load of chocolate, which has meant today I have nothing good in my body. All I’ve been able to face today is some water and a weightwatchers chocolate biscuit bar. But that’s about to change as it’s lunch time and my friend R has brought home made vegetable soup for us so I will give that a go and hopefully get something good inside so I can face the afternoon without wanting to go to sleep!
Monday, 22 March 2010
Wednesday, 17 March 2010
Too Much Inspiration!
So I finally got down to making my motivational poster and, having been a bit over zealous with the magazines and scissors, I now have enough pictures and slogans to make about 4 posters! I don’t do anything by half, me.
Have decided to take them home with me tonight and make a couple of posters, sticking the pictures into place with a glue stick and laminating them at work tomorrow. That way I can take my time deciding on my pictures without all of my work colleagues asking what I’m up to! Actually, the idea for personal motivational posters is totally work related and I’m not technically skiving. I work with children and families, and as part of that I sometimes do self-esteem work with children. Helping them to create their own personal motivational poster can be such a fun session to do, and laminating it so they can put it on their wall can be really good for focusing on positive aspirations.
Been feeling rubbish all day due to time of the month, although have been dealing with it pretty well. I needed chocolate so I bought a caramel Freddo (2 points) and a bag of buttons (4) points to have as snacks rather than having a chocolate munching binge that lasted all day. My work colleague, R, and I had D’s home made chilli for lunch, as it was my day to bring lunch. It was very filling and tastes yummy for 6.5 points which included a decent portion of rice. Due to being busy bees next week (we are out and about a lot in my job), R will provide lunch next Monday but I won’t be providing lunch until the following Monday as it’s the next time we will be in the office together. I have already decided what I’m bringing though, as I’m intending on converting her to the joys of sushi. I have promised her it’s not all raw fish so I’m going to try her on some (I don’t know what they are called!) little rice tubes with peppers or cucumbers in them, and some tuna mayo ones too. Also some large chunks of rice with a roasted red pepper attached. Yummy!
R has also been helping me come up with a plan for Friday as D and I will be travelling down to Wales. Normally it is a McDonalds on the way down but there’s no way I am doing that so I’m going to have to take some sort of packed lunch for in the car. Maybe sandwiches for D and sushi for me. Sushi really is an awesome food, as it’s high in protein and low in saturates, it’s filling and it’s tasty! I’m not a huge fish fan but I like tuna and I don’t mind king prawn things. D reckons you can put meat in them too so I might experiment.
Feeling a bit frustrated with myself about the lack of actual weight loss compared to what I wanted to have achieved by now. I’m still on track for losing a stone by my birthday which is better than nothing, but I had considered trying for 2 stone by my birthday. Feeling the need for some Just Dance action tonight if my period pains subside.
Have decided to take them home with me tonight and make a couple of posters, sticking the pictures into place with a glue stick and laminating them at work tomorrow. That way I can take my time deciding on my pictures without all of my work colleagues asking what I’m up to! Actually, the idea for personal motivational posters is totally work related and I’m not technically skiving. I work with children and families, and as part of that I sometimes do self-esteem work with children. Helping them to create their own personal motivational poster can be such a fun session to do, and laminating it so they can put it on their wall can be really good for focusing on positive aspirations.
Been feeling rubbish all day due to time of the month, although have been dealing with it pretty well. I needed chocolate so I bought a caramel Freddo (2 points) and a bag of buttons (4) points to have as snacks rather than having a chocolate munching binge that lasted all day. My work colleague, R, and I had D’s home made chilli for lunch, as it was my day to bring lunch. It was very filling and tastes yummy for 6.5 points which included a decent portion of rice. Due to being busy bees next week (we are out and about a lot in my job), R will provide lunch next Monday but I won’t be providing lunch until the following Monday as it’s the next time we will be in the office together. I have already decided what I’m bringing though, as I’m intending on converting her to the joys of sushi. I have promised her it’s not all raw fish so I’m going to try her on some (I don’t know what they are called!) little rice tubes with peppers or cucumbers in them, and some tuna mayo ones too. Also some large chunks of rice with a roasted red pepper attached. Yummy!
R has also been helping me come up with a plan for Friday as D and I will be travelling down to Wales. Normally it is a McDonalds on the way down but there’s no way I am doing that so I’m going to have to take some sort of packed lunch for in the car. Maybe sandwiches for D and sushi for me. Sushi really is an awesome food, as it’s high in protein and low in saturates, it’s filling and it’s tasty! I’m not a huge fish fan but I like tuna and I don’t mind king prawn things. D reckons you can put meat in them too so I might experiment.
Feeling a bit frustrated with myself about the lack of actual weight loss compared to what I wanted to have achieved by now. I’m still on track for losing a stone by my birthday which is better than nothing, but I had considered trying for 2 stone by my birthday. Feeling the need for some Just Dance action tonight if my period pains subside.
Tuesday, 16 March 2010
Temper Tantrums and Damage Limitation
Well, this blog looks like it’s becoming a weekly habit rather than a daily habit, as I’d hoped. I’m starting to develop a pattern of being good during the week, and by good I mean angelic. I stick to my points, I have a routine, I exercise (yes, me, I exercise) and I really think about what I’m doing. Then the weekend hits and I snap back into being the person I don’t want to be. Partly because there’s no routine, something new happens every weekend and I just don’t prepare for it. I make bad choices, like binging on McDonalds on Saturday AND Sunday, as well as eating normal meals. I hate having to write that down.
I’m still feeling positive in general, as I know I’m making progress with changing how I think about food. My colleague at work brought lunch in on Monday for both of us, as planned. She made tuna pasta mayo with salad and it was yummy. It’s not the kind of thing I usually bring even though I like it because I can never be bothered. It’s my turn tomorrow and I’m a bit stuck for ideas. I think it will be a chilli if I can’t think of anything else but I’ll see what I can come up with tonight.
Last week I had a really stressful day at work and was late coming home and D had too. So we decided to rent a DVD and cuddle up on the couch, and we had meatballs and spaghetti for dinner that we had bought the day before which D was going to cook. But after we got the DVD, I started on about getting a takeaway. D stood strong and refused to let me get one. I bargained, I argued, I pleaded, I nearly cried. He said no. I sulked, I stropped and pouted. We drove home. He talked some sense into me, I calmed down and apologised and thanked him. I then did 45 minutes on Wii Just Dance, we ate meatballs and spaghetti and watched the film.
Normally, D would have caved in and we would have got takeaway, I would have eaten too much rubbish food, especially considering our local takeaways are not that great, and I would have regretted it. D stood firm and we talked it through, and I did exercise in order to try and improve my mood. I felt so much better afterwards and we had a lovely evening. It really made me think about my relationship with food and when I eat badly and why. Generally it is due to stress or boredom. Two binges on McDonalds food on the weekend when I’m visiting my family is no coincidence.
But this has bigger consequences than just blowing my diet for the week, it also means I then don’t go to my meeting because I can’t bear to have it marked on my card that I have gained. So I seem to be going to meetings every other week which is bad because I could do with the support. What’s needed is a real push this week to get my weekend act together. I’ll be faced with big challenges this weekend as we are going to visit D’s father in Wales whose hobby seems to be cooking delicious roast dinner meals and feeding me up. His meals are enormous portions and there’s always chocolate and biscuits on offer. So, my plan of action is to save points throughout the week, exercise my ass off and try and limit the damage at the weekend. This means getting D on side to help restrain his father with portions as it’s not unhealthy food, just vast quantities of it. I could tell his father I’ve got a tummy bug and I’m not eating very much, which is another damage limitation option.
At the end of the day though, if it takes me twice as long to lose the weight, then that is what it will take. Weight coming off slowly is better than weight going on. But I am impatient!
I’m still feeling positive in general, as I know I’m making progress with changing how I think about food. My colleague at work brought lunch in on Monday for both of us, as planned. She made tuna pasta mayo with salad and it was yummy. It’s not the kind of thing I usually bring even though I like it because I can never be bothered. It’s my turn tomorrow and I’m a bit stuck for ideas. I think it will be a chilli if I can’t think of anything else but I’ll see what I can come up with tonight.
Last week I had a really stressful day at work and was late coming home and D had too. So we decided to rent a DVD and cuddle up on the couch, and we had meatballs and spaghetti for dinner that we had bought the day before which D was going to cook. But after we got the DVD, I started on about getting a takeaway. D stood strong and refused to let me get one. I bargained, I argued, I pleaded, I nearly cried. He said no. I sulked, I stropped and pouted. We drove home. He talked some sense into me, I calmed down and apologised and thanked him. I then did 45 minutes on Wii Just Dance, we ate meatballs and spaghetti and watched the film.
Normally, D would have caved in and we would have got takeaway, I would have eaten too much rubbish food, especially considering our local takeaways are not that great, and I would have regretted it. D stood firm and we talked it through, and I did exercise in order to try and improve my mood. I felt so much better afterwards and we had a lovely evening. It really made me think about my relationship with food and when I eat badly and why. Generally it is due to stress or boredom. Two binges on McDonalds food on the weekend when I’m visiting my family is no coincidence.
But this has bigger consequences than just blowing my diet for the week, it also means I then don’t go to my meeting because I can’t bear to have it marked on my card that I have gained. So I seem to be going to meetings every other week which is bad because I could do with the support. What’s needed is a real push this week to get my weekend act together. I’ll be faced with big challenges this weekend as we are going to visit D’s father in Wales whose hobby seems to be cooking delicious roast dinner meals and feeding me up. His meals are enormous portions and there’s always chocolate and biscuits on offer. So, my plan of action is to save points throughout the week, exercise my ass off and try and limit the damage at the weekend. This means getting D on side to help restrain his father with portions as it’s not unhealthy food, just vast quantities of it. I could tell his father I’ve got a tummy bug and I’m not eating very much, which is another damage limitation option.
At the end of the day though, if it takes me twice as long to lose the weight, then that is what it will take. Weight coming off slowly is better than weight going on. But I am impatient!
Tuesday, 9 March 2010
Rations and Aspirations
You know what I just figured out? If I eat a portion of home made soup for lunch, I feel the need to pig out before and after rather than saving the points. Well, not pig out as such but definitely eat more than I would normally. Like today for example, I had my usual nutri grain bar on the way to work for first breakfast (yes I am like a hobbit and feel the need to have multiple meals!) at 6.30am and then when I got to work about an hour later I had a banana sandwich on brown bread. D had mentioned this is a really good energy boost and I was feeling like I needed it. So, after much coffee I had my soup about half twelve and then had a crème egg as a bit of a treat with more coffee mid afternoon. So with the sandwich and the egg, I’ve eaten what I would have saved by having my soup instead of a ready meal. Although it’s not too bad now I look at it. It’s just that I have pointed my main meal already and know I don’t have enough for a pudding. I like my puddings!
It’s interesting about learning to just have treats with things like chocolate instead of just stuffing my face everyday with it. I’ve had to stop having chocolate in the house because I can’t have just one. Buying the odd crème egg gets me through the chocolate shortage and I really am learning to savour it. I think part of me will always see it as a deprivation though.
I spent some time cutting out pictures of girls being active in magazines last night, much to the amusement of D who thinks any motivational tool is daft. But honestly, I need something to stare at all day beside the computer screen and the blue divider wall that I hide behind. I really do need to focus on the reasons why I want to lose weight. It’s not just the vanity of looking good and wearing nice clothes, although that is certainly part of it. Mostly it’s about changing my lifestyle. I can’t stand it when you hear about people who drop like 9 stone and then put it all back on again. I feel really sorry for them for going through all that hard work but not really learning the most important thing. You have to change your lifestyle for life, not just while you diet. I want my lifestyle to be totally different, no more sitting on the couch all weekend. I want to be out horse riding as soon as I’m lighter and fit enough to be able to, I’m going to be so happy when that happens. I can’t even imagine it. I want to be out biking and rock climbing and proving to D I’ve got the guts and willpower to do what he does. I want to be taking part in fell races and getting covered in mud, and quad biking and running marathons. I want to be sailing and kayaking and hang gliding. I want to be skiing and snowboarding and travelling the world to do sports like surfing and windsurfing off sandy beaches in clear blue water.
That’s why I need a motivational poster of people doing these things, because I can’t imagine myself doing them. I don’t want to change who I am, because I like me, I just want to change what I do with my life.
It’s interesting about learning to just have treats with things like chocolate instead of just stuffing my face everyday with it. I’ve had to stop having chocolate in the house because I can’t have just one. Buying the odd crème egg gets me through the chocolate shortage and I really am learning to savour it. I think part of me will always see it as a deprivation though.
I spent some time cutting out pictures of girls being active in magazines last night, much to the amusement of D who thinks any motivational tool is daft. But honestly, I need something to stare at all day beside the computer screen and the blue divider wall that I hide behind. I really do need to focus on the reasons why I want to lose weight. It’s not just the vanity of looking good and wearing nice clothes, although that is certainly part of it. Mostly it’s about changing my lifestyle. I can’t stand it when you hear about people who drop like 9 stone and then put it all back on again. I feel really sorry for them for going through all that hard work but not really learning the most important thing. You have to change your lifestyle for life, not just while you diet. I want my lifestyle to be totally different, no more sitting on the couch all weekend. I want to be out horse riding as soon as I’m lighter and fit enough to be able to, I’m going to be so happy when that happens. I can’t even imagine it. I want to be out biking and rock climbing and proving to D I’ve got the guts and willpower to do what he does. I want to be taking part in fell races and getting covered in mud, and quad biking and running marathons. I want to be sailing and kayaking and hang gliding. I want to be skiing and snowboarding and travelling the world to do sports like surfing and windsurfing off sandy beaches in clear blue water.
That’s why I need a motivational poster of people doing these things, because I can’t imagine myself doing them. I don’t want to change who I am, because I like me, I just want to change what I do with my life.
Monday, 8 March 2010
Third Weigh In
OK so technically it’s only my second as I didn’t go last week. I lost half a pound. Mostly in clothing as I swapped my jeans for thin trousers and swapped my jumper for a T-shirt but I’m still pleased. I did admit to the Leader that I’d not been very good over the past couple of weeks but what with eating out a lot, buffet lunches at work and going to York for the weekend, I’ve felt a little out of control with food. Still, the parsnip soup and Wii Fit seem to be having a balancing effect. The soup! I made parsnip soup from a Weightwatcher’s recipe (will post it at the end) and it was so easy and so yummy. I have a real soft spot for parsnips and the soup was a great success. Everyone at work was impressed by the home made part too!
I bullied one of my colleagues at work today about Weightwatchers as she’s been on it for a while but lost motivation. She was impressed by the one point per serving soup that tasted lovely so I’m making her bring something low in points in for lunch on Monday and I’ll return the favour on Wednesday. She’s really taken with the idea of making a motivational poster and has set me the target of doing it for Thursday. It would be nice if she got back on track with the plan, as it helps having some support in an office where I have to cope with people bringing in a tray of scones or boxes of biscuits, not to mention the chocolates and sweets!
So that’s 8 pounds all together. It’s not too bad considering that is three week’s worth of dieting so that’s two and a bit pounds of weight loss per week. Not too bad at all. Really do have to kick myself in the behind now though as there’s no more eating out for a while to get myself back into a routine. It’s not like I really need to eat out as we eat pretty well at home most of the time. Sometimes it’s chilli and rice or spaghetti and meatballs. Tonight was a roast chicken dinner with Yorkshire puddings and roast potatoes and mountains of vegetables. And I’m about to tuck into a small but yummy sticky toffee pudding with custard. No, it’s not such a bad diet after all!
Parsnip Soup
You need:
500g parsnips
low fat cooking spray
1 teaspoon of ground cumin
1 teaspoon of garam masala
salt and freshly ground pepper
1 litre vegetable stock
Peel and chop up the parsnips. Heat up a large saucepan with the low fat cooking spray. Add the parsnips and the spices. Stir fry for a minute or so. Add the vegetable stock, bring to the boil, cover and simmer for 10 minutes or until the parsnips are tender. Remove from the heat and liquidise or blend with a hand held blender. Return the soup to the pan and warm through.
If you prefer a spicier soup, add half a teaspoon of chilli powder when you add the other spices.
This makes 4 servings and is 1 point per serving. It's also a free food on the core plan. The recipe is from the Cook! WeightWatchers book, and it's so yummy :)
I bullied one of my colleagues at work today about Weightwatchers as she’s been on it for a while but lost motivation. She was impressed by the one point per serving soup that tasted lovely so I’m making her bring something low in points in for lunch on Monday and I’ll return the favour on Wednesday. She’s really taken with the idea of making a motivational poster and has set me the target of doing it for Thursday. It would be nice if she got back on track with the plan, as it helps having some support in an office where I have to cope with people bringing in a tray of scones or boxes of biscuits, not to mention the chocolates and sweets!
So that’s 8 pounds all together. It’s not too bad considering that is three week’s worth of dieting so that’s two and a bit pounds of weight loss per week. Not too bad at all. Really do have to kick myself in the behind now though as there’s no more eating out for a while to get myself back into a routine. It’s not like I really need to eat out as we eat pretty well at home most of the time. Sometimes it’s chilli and rice or spaghetti and meatballs. Tonight was a roast chicken dinner with Yorkshire puddings and roast potatoes and mountains of vegetables. And I’m about to tuck into a small but yummy sticky toffee pudding with custard. No, it’s not such a bad diet after all!
Parsnip Soup
You need:
500g parsnips
low fat cooking spray
1 teaspoon of ground cumin
1 teaspoon of garam masala
salt and freshly ground pepper
1 litre vegetable stock
Peel and chop up the parsnips. Heat up a large saucepan with the low fat cooking spray. Add the parsnips and the spices. Stir fry for a minute or so. Add the vegetable stock, bring to the boil, cover and simmer for 10 minutes or until the parsnips are tender. Remove from the heat and liquidise or blend with a hand held blender. Return the soup to the pan and warm through.
If you prefer a spicier soup, add half a teaspoon of chilli powder when you add the other spices.
This makes 4 servings and is 1 point per serving. It's also a free food on the core plan. The recipe is from the Cook! WeightWatchers book, and it's so yummy :)
Sunday, 7 March 2010
Pumping up the Jam
I’ve been on Just Dance on the Wii Fit twice this week after buying it last week. It’s so much fun! The first time I was on for half an hour and yesterday I went on for 45 minutes, really working up a healthy sweat and bouncing about the living room like a girl possessed. So far my favourite songs are Pump up the Jam and You Can’t Touch This because it’s quite fast paced and involves lots of opportunities for jumping and dancing in ways that should only ever happen in my living room! D was fairly impressed and kept popping in and out to watch me act like a crazy person, doing his own variation of dancing that, again, should only happen in our living room so nobody else has to endure it.
Food wise, I’ve been trying to be good and stick to the plan, although it really throws me when we go out for a meal or I have to eat out at work. I’m much happier when it’s a normal week and I stick to my regular routine. I’m feeling a little anxious about the weigh in on Monday but I definitely have to go and get weighed as I missed last week due to over indulgences at the York weekend away.
I’ve been feeling a bit sensitive about my weight, especially on weekends as I just feel like I’m missing out on doing the things I want to do. I’m so sick of sitting at home and not having the motivation to do anything but watch TV or play on the computer. I’m not even doing any housework or anything but what I really want to be doing is getting out in the sunshine and enjoying myself. It’s starting to get sunnier and warming up, and as I type this, I’m sat on the couch while D has gone out for the day on his mountain bike. I’m supposed to be going to the shops to do the food shop later but I’m feeling like I just want to sit here.
So, feeling a bit up and down at the moment. Will get my behind off the couch at some point today to do the shopping and then at least I’m up and about. Looked through all the Weight Watchers recipe books that we have this morning, and there are loads of recipes I want to try out especially the soups. I get the feeling the soups could come in useful for next week if I need to kick up the weight loss a notch.
Food wise, I’ve been trying to be good and stick to the plan, although it really throws me when we go out for a meal or I have to eat out at work. I’m much happier when it’s a normal week and I stick to my regular routine. I’m feeling a little anxious about the weigh in on Monday but I definitely have to go and get weighed as I missed last week due to over indulgences at the York weekend away.
I’ve been feeling a bit sensitive about my weight, especially on weekends as I just feel like I’m missing out on doing the things I want to do. I’m so sick of sitting at home and not having the motivation to do anything but watch TV or play on the computer. I’m not even doing any housework or anything but what I really want to be doing is getting out in the sunshine and enjoying myself. It’s starting to get sunnier and warming up, and as I type this, I’m sat on the couch while D has gone out for the day on his mountain bike. I’m supposed to be going to the shops to do the food shop later but I’m feeling like I just want to sit here.
So, feeling a bit up and down at the moment. Will get my behind off the couch at some point today to do the shopping and then at least I’m up and about. Looked through all the Weight Watchers recipe books that we have this morning, and there are loads of recipes I want to try out especially the soups. I get the feeling the soups could come in useful for next week if I need to kick up the weight loss a notch.
Monday, 1 March 2010
Up The Tower
Well, the whole journal thing isn’t going very well is it?
To be fair, I’ve had a mad busy few days. Last week was full of boyfriend trouble with me having to make it very clear that I need his support and him forgetting I had a counselling session was not the way forward. Luckily things calmed down before the weekend and we were able to enjoy ourselves with a trip to York.
Had such a brilliant weekend and spent most of it feeling soppy. We did the tourist thing and visited several of the museums and historical sites, and had loads of fun looking around all the interesting shops and even the haunted house. My knees really ache now from all the walking and my feet are so sore, mainly due to the vanity of wearing my lovely Ugg boots on the Friday night which don’t fit my feet at all and caused major pain all night, and for the rest of the weekend even though by Saturday I had swapped them for my trusty trainers.
The only bad part of the weekend was going up York Minster tower which is something like 300 steps to the top. I should have paid attention to all the health warnings and “physically demanding” signs warning the ill and unhealthy people to steer clear. But I didn’t. I went up it, slightly nervous but confident I would be fine. I was not fine. The steps were the ones that spiral in a steep and cramped manner, that just seem to go on forever. The tower is really high and it just didn’t occur to me it would be so continual, I assumed there would be flat walk breaks but there was only one or two. I was in a group with D and several fit people who practically ran up it, apart from the ones stuck behind me of course, who had to go at my slower pace. The main problem was that you just couldn’t tell how far up you were or how far you had to go. After what seemed like an age, my calves stopped working and my arms ached from having to haul my ass up the stairs using the railing. I had to stop and let two of the people behind me squeeze past. It was not easy though as the width of the stairs was about shoulder width so it was really embarrassing and I was mortified enough to carry on climbing the stairs rather than let anyone else have to squeeze past me. A bit further up was a gap where the windows were, making a kind of seat in the wall, so I sat in there and let the others past. While I was sat there I had a mini strop at D because I was feeling so useless and nearly started crying in a pathetic panic kind of way because I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, turning around not being an option in case more people were on the way up. D calmed me down and talked me into going up again after a bit of a rest, and we were actually quite close to the top at that point. I collapsed into a chair at the top and sorted myself out, feeling like my chest was going to explode and looking a bit like a tomato, all round and red. It was pretty tough going down too, as my knees were struggling at this point and threatening to collapse as a protest. It was worth it though for the views and slight smugness of accomplishment that I actually did it and didn’t give up. I’m pretty stubborn about things like that.
Food wise, the diet was abandoned for the weekend due to the excellence of the cream teas and puddings that were on offer. I’ll not go into details but it was worth it. It’s not often we go for a weekend break and I’m glad I decided to enjoy myself. The only thing is, according to the scales this morning, I’ve gained a few pounds and I don’t want to go to the WW meeting tonight for that to be marked on my card. So my plan is straight back on the plan today and be angelic for the next week, and do quite a bit on the Wii Fit before next Monday. I’m back at work and feeling focused again on the plan and what I’m wanting to achieve. I said to D that it would be interesting to go back to York Minster in a year and see how I manage with the tower steps in comparison to yesterday.
To be fair, I’ve had a mad busy few days. Last week was full of boyfriend trouble with me having to make it very clear that I need his support and him forgetting I had a counselling session was not the way forward. Luckily things calmed down before the weekend and we were able to enjoy ourselves with a trip to York.
Had such a brilliant weekend and spent most of it feeling soppy. We did the tourist thing and visited several of the museums and historical sites, and had loads of fun looking around all the interesting shops and even the haunted house. My knees really ache now from all the walking and my feet are so sore, mainly due to the vanity of wearing my lovely Ugg boots on the Friday night which don’t fit my feet at all and caused major pain all night, and for the rest of the weekend even though by Saturday I had swapped them for my trusty trainers.
The only bad part of the weekend was going up York Minster tower which is something like 300 steps to the top. I should have paid attention to all the health warnings and “physically demanding” signs warning the ill and unhealthy people to steer clear. But I didn’t. I went up it, slightly nervous but confident I would be fine. I was not fine. The steps were the ones that spiral in a steep and cramped manner, that just seem to go on forever. The tower is really high and it just didn’t occur to me it would be so continual, I assumed there would be flat walk breaks but there was only one or two. I was in a group with D and several fit people who practically ran up it, apart from the ones stuck behind me of course, who had to go at my slower pace. The main problem was that you just couldn’t tell how far up you were or how far you had to go. After what seemed like an age, my calves stopped working and my arms ached from having to haul my ass up the stairs using the railing. I had to stop and let two of the people behind me squeeze past. It was not easy though as the width of the stairs was about shoulder width so it was really embarrassing and I was mortified enough to carry on climbing the stairs rather than let anyone else have to squeeze past me. A bit further up was a gap where the windows were, making a kind of seat in the wall, so I sat in there and let the others past. While I was sat there I had a mini strop at D because I was feeling so useless and nearly started crying in a pathetic panic kind of way because I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, turning around not being an option in case more people were on the way up. D calmed me down and talked me into going up again after a bit of a rest, and we were actually quite close to the top at that point. I collapsed into a chair at the top and sorted myself out, feeling like my chest was going to explode and looking a bit like a tomato, all round and red. It was pretty tough going down too, as my knees were struggling at this point and threatening to collapse as a protest. It was worth it though for the views and slight smugness of accomplishment that I actually did it and didn’t give up. I’m pretty stubborn about things like that.
Food wise, the diet was abandoned for the weekend due to the excellence of the cream teas and puddings that were on offer. I’ll not go into details but it was worth it. It’s not often we go for a weekend break and I’m glad I decided to enjoy myself. The only thing is, according to the scales this morning, I’ve gained a few pounds and I don’t want to go to the WW meeting tonight for that to be marked on my card. So my plan is straight back on the plan today and be angelic for the next week, and do quite a bit on the Wii Fit before next Monday. I’m back at work and feeling focused again on the plan and what I’m wanting to achieve. I said to D that it would be interesting to go back to York Minster in a year and see how I manage with the tower steps in comparison to yesterday.
Tuesday, 23 February 2010
First Week
I managed to make it through the weekend in a house on my own without stuffing my face. Actually, I was so unhappy that I didn’t eat very much at all. Tried to make sure I had at least one hot meal and didn’t starve myself. On Monday I was at training and hadn’t brought anything with me so I ended up having a roast beef dinner and a sponge pudding afterwards which felt very stodgy but also a vaguely good choice. I decided not to point on Monday, and just stuck to my normal snacks and normal evening meal choice. I had my weigh in Monday night and was really pleased to find I’d lost 7 and a half pounds during the week. I’m so pleased with myself. I got my first silver 7 stickers and I’m only 5 and a half pounds away from my 5% goal and means I’m currently 250 pounds. Still got loads to lose but it’s a good start and I’m thrilled.
Saturday, 20 February 2010
Third Counsellor
I’m feeling really hacked off today and not happy with the world in general. Sorry to be a miserable sod but that’s just how it is.
Yesterday I sorted myself out and stuck to my points, which I’m pleased about. I went to see the third and last counsellor and she was really interesting. She had a more person centred approach than the others but inspired more confidence in me. She seemed to be a really together person, and even though she is more expensive, I’m thinking of going with her as my choice. We talked a lot about my childhood and what my family are like, which is something you could deconstruct forever! I did mention about D and about him probably being in bed and she really picked up on it. She was surprised that I had supported him for so long and that now I was trying to concentrate on myself; he still needed my support. She made me realise just how much I have given up for him too, even dropping my MA course when things got really bad when he was depressed.
Anyway, I was thinking through all of this when I got home to find D wasn’t even there. Judging by the lack of climbing pack in the living room, he has gone to Scotland for the weekend. It’s now 7pm on Saturday and no word from him. I can’t believe how self-centred he can be. I mean, he knew how nervous I was about the counselling sessions, especially the one from last night, and he also knows I’m probably worrying about him because he has disappeared before so for all I know he isn’t in Scotland at all. It’s only last year that he was suicidal and disappearing off so I had to call the police. No, it’s fair to say that I am not at all impressed. I’m really wondering why I am still with him because he has really surprised me by doing this. When he is depressed, he won’t do anything, so to disappear off to go climbing means he isn’t depressed and he is just thinking about himself. What he isn’t thinking about is the impact this has on me and my emotions, and is particularly unfair considering what I’m trying to do at the moment.
I’m coming to the conclusion that he either gets on board with the programme or I jump ship. I need people around me who are as committed to my making positive changes as I am. I have given him all I have to give and it’s my turn now.
So, feeling a bit sorry for myself really, about things generally not being the way I want them. Again, had a dodgy day regarding food and didn’t eat breakfast until lunchtime but pulled it together and haven’t eaten anything I shouldn’t of. Ended up in the supermarket buying a load of WeightWatchers convenience food, which is what I’m using to get me through the difficult days. Aside from the slight guilt of the lack of fresh food, I’m actually quite proud of myself for putting me first and not getting sucked in to dealing with someone else’s problems and using food to get a quick fix for mine. It’s Saturday night and I get weighed on Monday night, so it’s been almost a week now that I’ve stuck to the plan. Last night I came home to a Graze box that had been delivered for me as a free trial. It was brilliant, four portions of nuts/fruit and I got some tasty ones. I pointed them and they make for brilliant healthy snacks so I’m ordering two a week because they are well worth the money and not that expensive.
I haven’t done any of the positive stuff I wanted to do today. But I got through today even though I’ve felt down. Maybe I need to do something to cheer myself up. Not sure I can face the Wii Fit tonight though. Maybe I can start looking through magazines for inspirational pictures or just read over the blogs and forums posts on the WeightWatchers website.
Yesterday I sorted myself out and stuck to my points, which I’m pleased about. I went to see the third and last counsellor and she was really interesting. She had a more person centred approach than the others but inspired more confidence in me. She seemed to be a really together person, and even though she is more expensive, I’m thinking of going with her as my choice. We talked a lot about my childhood and what my family are like, which is something you could deconstruct forever! I did mention about D and about him probably being in bed and she really picked up on it. She was surprised that I had supported him for so long and that now I was trying to concentrate on myself; he still needed my support. She made me realise just how much I have given up for him too, even dropping my MA course when things got really bad when he was depressed.
Anyway, I was thinking through all of this when I got home to find D wasn’t even there. Judging by the lack of climbing pack in the living room, he has gone to Scotland for the weekend. It’s now 7pm on Saturday and no word from him. I can’t believe how self-centred he can be. I mean, he knew how nervous I was about the counselling sessions, especially the one from last night, and he also knows I’m probably worrying about him because he has disappeared before so for all I know he isn’t in Scotland at all. It’s only last year that he was suicidal and disappearing off so I had to call the police. No, it’s fair to say that I am not at all impressed. I’m really wondering why I am still with him because he has really surprised me by doing this. When he is depressed, he won’t do anything, so to disappear off to go climbing means he isn’t depressed and he is just thinking about himself. What he isn’t thinking about is the impact this has on me and my emotions, and is particularly unfair considering what I’m trying to do at the moment.
I’m coming to the conclusion that he either gets on board with the programme or I jump ship. I need people around me who are as committed to my making positive changes as I am. I have given him all I have to give and it’s my turn now.
So, feeling a bit sorry for myself really, about things generally not being the way I want them. Again, had a dodgy day regarding food and didn’t eat breakfast until lunchtime but pulled it together and haven’t eaten anything I shouldn’t of. Ended up in the supermarket buying a load of WeightWatchers convenience food, which is what I’m using to get me through the difficult days. Aside from the slight guilt of the lack of fresh food, I’m actually quite proud of myself for putting me first and not getting sucked in to dealing with someone else’s problems and using food to get a quick fix for mine. It’s Saturday night and I get weighed on Monday night, so it’s been almost a week now that I’ve stuck to the plan. Last night I came home to a Graze box that had been delivered for me as a free trial. It was brilliant, four portions of nuts/fruit and I got some tasty ones. I pointed them and they make for brilliant healthy snacks so I’m ordering two a week because they are well worth the money and not that expensive.
I haven’t done any of the positive stuff I wanted to do today. But I got through today even though I’ve felt down. Maybe I need to do something to cheer myself up. Not sure I can face the Wii Fit tonight though. Maybe I can start looking through magazines for inspirational pictures or just read over the blogs and forums posts on the WeightWatchers website.
Friday, 19 February 2010
Second Counsellor and Ranting
I saw the second counsellor last night. She seemed better than the last counsellor and made quite a few insightful comments, and I think I would be happy with her as my counsellor so am going to go to the third one tonight and then think about it over the weekend. One thing in particular that she said was that judging from what I was like as a child, I was a really resourceful person. Imagine what I could do if I put all the resources I put into eating and being secretive, into losing weight and changing my life for the better. That was a really positive thing to think about. I also managed to state really clearly what my goals are. I don’t want to be stick thin, and I don’t really have a goal weight in mind. I want to lose weight until I am at a healthy weight and my fitness is good enough so that I can join sports clubs and make some friends. I’ve managed to isolate myself and although I make friends really easily and get on well with people, I don’t have any proper friends at the moment, just people I see at work and D’s friends. So my goal is to be at a healthy weight and to be fit, to meet new people through sports and counselling will be extra support throughout that.
I’m having problems with D though and really not happy about it. He was the one pushing me to go to private counselling and it’s really not helpful when he kicks off. He’s been feeling a bit delicate and sensitive for a few days but he was supposed to be going climbing in Scotland from Friday night through until Sunday night, except there have been problems with organising it and although he has a place in the car going up, he feels left out of it all. So he cooked dinner last night but it didn’t go very well and in the end he kicked off and went to bed, and hasn’t spoken to me since. I’m in work and I’m pretty sure he won’t have gone to work today, and I’m thinking he probably won’t go to Scotland and just sulk around the house. I’m really annoyed with this though because I need his support right now, and I just don’t have the emotional strength to support him as well as deal with what I’m going through. That may sound really selfish but I spent all of last year supporting him through depression and when he had to have two operations on his heart. I don’t have anything left for him and I need to focus on me. To be honest, I’m not even sure if we should still be together anymore.
So, anyway, I didn’t eat most of my dinner and am feeling really torn today. I feel like I can’t be bothered and should eat whatever I want, and I also feel like I’m not going to let his problems dominate my life anymore and really concentrate on what I’m trying to do. I just feel so annoyed with him, even though I feel sorry that he feels bad.
OK, rant over. Just breathe :).
What I'm doing right now is really important to me. For once in my life, I'm really important to me. Everyone else will just have to look after themselves while I do this. I'm going to go get something healthy to eat, and point it, and then I'm going to spend some time looking through the WeightWatchers website and forum to keep myself positive. I can do this.
:)
I’m having problems with D though and really not happy about it. He was the one pushing me to go to private counselling and it’s really not helpful when he kicks off. He’s been feeling a bit delicate and sensitive for a few days but he was supposed to be going climbing in Scotland from Friday night through until Sunday night, except there have been problems with organising it and although he has a place in the car going up, he feels left out of it all. So he cooked dinner last night but it didn’t go very well and in the end he kicked off and went to bed, and hasn’t spoken to me since. I’m in work and I’m pretty sure he won’t have gone to work today, and I’m thinking he probably won’t go to Scotland and just sulk around the house. I’m really annoyed with this though because I need his support right now, and I just don’t have the emotional strength to support him as well as deal with what I’m going through. That may sound really selfish but I spent all of last year supporting him through depression and when he had to have two operations on his heart. I don’t have anything left for him and I need to focus on me. To be honest, I’m not even sure if we should still be together anymore.
So, anyway, I didn’t eat most of my dinner and am feeling really torn today. I feel like I can’t be bothered and should eat whatever I want, and I also feel like I’m not going to let his problems dominate my life anymore and really concentrate on what I’m trying to do. I just feel so annoyed with him, even though I feel sorry that he feels bad.
OK, rant over. Just breathe :).
What I'm doing right now is really important to me. For once in my life, I'm really important to me. Everyone else will just have to look after themselves while I do this. I'm going to go get something healthy to eat, and point it, and then I'm going to spend some time looking through the WeightWatchers website and forum to keep myself positive. I can do this.
:)
Thursday, 18 February 2010
Step. Clap. Kick.
Had a good day yesterday and feeling very positive today, although a little nervous about seeing the counsellor tonight. My boyfriend, D, was off climbing last night so I was in the house on my own, usually a good time to catch me stuffing my face, but a quick phone call from him set me on the right track. He’d asked what I was having for dinner and I said I wasn’t sure but had about 15 points to spend, and he told me to make sure I had a good meal because not eating all my points was not the way forward. He sounds like my mother sometimes!
So I faffed around the kitchen for a bit and settled on trying the WeightWatchers sausages, toast, beans and an egg. I used that low cal spray instead of oil which was a bargain buy. The sausages weren’t great to be honest, too soft really but ok, and will do for a healthy swap for when D is eating sausage sandwiches at the weekend for breakfast, as I don’t want to feel left out and be tempted by the real McCoy. The best bit was 3 slices of toast with Flora spread on, oh how I love buttery toast! It’s going to have to be reserved for when I have loads of points to spend though. The whole meal was 14 points which is massive for a dinner but I had it to spend and I figured it was better doing that than having something low cal and then snacking all night.
As well as checking up on what I was eating, D had also mentioned it was a good time to get on the Wii Fit. So I did! Well, there were no excuses available really. I love the Step game, although it’s absolutely hilarious to watch me do it. I have pretty good rhythm but the more advanced programme was way beyond me. The first programme is easy enough, with just stepping on and off, and then from side to side. The advanced programme was way more complicated, with stepping on and off, side to side, kicking, clapping and then swivelling my body round to step on sideways. D came home while I was still doing it and made comments like, “aren’t you supposed to be kicking instead of clapping” and “you’re stepping off in the wrong direction”, which as you can imagine was really helpful. At least it got me moving, and I made it to half an hour banked. After talking to D about it, I’m going to track how many activity points I earn but I’m not going to eat them. I’ve made a separate commitment to exercising rather than having it as part of my diet and I don’t want to give myself an excuse to start pigging out.
Looks like D is going climbing this weekend which means I'm on my own Friday night until late Sunday night/possibly Monday so I'm going to make sure I've got stuff to keep me busy and focused on my weight loss. There may even be exercise involved. Who knows? :)
So feeling pretty good today and pleased with myself that I am sticking to the diet and exercising and making efforts to find a good counsellor for extra support. Another sneaky peek at the scales this morning confirms I’m losing weight so I’m looking forward to next Monday to find out my official weight loss. I asked on the WW forum for advice about non-food rewards and got some really useful answers. One girl has a charm bracelet and is having a new charm for every half stone lost. I really like that idea as the website she directed me to had some lovely charms. I love the idea that when I'm slim I can look at my bracelet and be reminded of my journey. It would be cool to have charms that represented particular things too.
Also, I have two blog followers already, hello! :)
So I faffed around the kitchen for a bit and settled on trying the WeightWatchers sausages, toast, beans and an egg. I used that low cal spray instead of oil which was a bargain buy. The sausages weren’t great to be honest, too soft really but ok, and will do for a healthy swap for when D is eating sausage sandwiches at the weekend for breakfast, as I don’t want to feel left out and be tempted by the real McCoy. The best bit was 3 slices of toast with Flora spread on, oh how I love buttery toast! It’s going to have to be reserved for when I have loads of points to spend though. The whole meal was 14 points which is massive for a dinner but I had it to spend and I figured it was better doing that than having something low cal and then snacking all night.
As well as checking up on what I was eating, D had also mentioned it was a good time to get on the Wii Fit. So I did! Well, there were no excuses available really. I love the Step game, although it’s absolutely hilarious to watch me do it. I have pretty good rhythm but the more advanced programme was way beyond me. The first programme is easy enough, with just stepping on and off, and then from side to side. The advanced programme was way more complicated, with stepping on and off, side to side, kicking, clapping and then swivelling my body round to step on sideways. D came home while I was still doing it and made comments like, “aren’t you supposed to be kicking instead of clapping” and “you’re stepping off in the wrong direction”, which as you can imagine was really helpful. At least it got me moving, and I made it to half an hour banked. After talking to D about it, I’m going to track how many activity points I earn but I’m not going to eat them. I’ve made a separate commitment to exercising rather than having it as part of my diet and I don’t want to give myself an excuse to start pigging out.
Looks like D is going climbing this weekend which means I'm on my own Friday night until late Sunday night/possibly Monday so I'm going to make sure I've got stuff to keep me busy and focused on my weight loss. There may even be exercise involved. Who knows? :)
So feeling pretty good today and pleased with myself that I am sticking to the diet and exercising and making efforts to find a good counsellor for extra support. Another sneaky peek at the scales this morning confirms I’m losing weight so I’m looking forward to next Monday to find out my official weight loss. I asked on the WW forum for advice about non-food rewards and got some really useful answers. One girl has a charm bracelet and is having a new charm for every half stone lost. I really like that idea as the website she directed me to had some lovely charms. I love the idea that when I'm slim I can look at my bracelet and be reminded of my journey. It would be cool to have charms that represented particular things too.
Also, I have two blog followers already, hello! :)
Wednesday, 17 February 2010
Counsellor Number 1 and Chocolate Cold Turkey
I had my first therapy session last night. I have 3 first sessions booked this week to see which counsellor I like and which one I think can help me. 2 of them are offering free first sessions and the third is charging her usual rate but she has 8 years of experience at an eating disorders unit so I’m hoping she will be worth the money. Last night was an interesting experience and although she was lovely, I don’t think she can help me. She was really nice but young, could not have been much older than me, and seemed to lack experience. Her specialism is in rape and sexual assault, which is not that useful for me, and she seemed to lack direction. I left feeling positive about myself and about my attempts to change things in my life but fairly confident she was the wrong counsellor for me. I have another session tomorrow night and then another on Friday, so I’m planning on spending the weekend thinking it over.
I bullied my partner into coming to Tesco with me to do a food shop, as I thought the temptation of buying rubbish after a therapy session may be too strong. He even did it fairly cheerfully even though he hates food shopping, mostly because I turn it into a 2 hour drama. We bought a lot of stuff actually, and most of it fairly healthy although there was a distinct lack of fresh food. He may or may not be going climbing at the weekend, and he may or may not be going climbing tonight so it makes it hard to plan meals. I’m happy to rely on convenience foods for a while though to get me started but at some point I will need to start planning meals with fresh vegetables. We did buy some bananas and we have frozen vegetables anyway so it’s not looking too bad.
After scoffing the chocolate buttons pack bought last week, my other half persuaded me to go cold turkey on chocolate as I obviously can’t manage to have it in the house and eat one bag or bar a day. I have some Options hot chocolate sachets so I’m going to try them when I’m craving chocolate and see how I go with that. They are only half a point, and should be fairly filling as it’s a drink. The idea behind it is that by the time I’m finished with the drink, the craving will have passed and I can talk myself out of it. I don’t think I’ve ever gone cold turkey with chocolate before, as I view it as an essential food. But it’s not essential and I can’t control myself around it so he is right in not letting me buy it. I still have weightwatchers bars and other snack type stuff so it’s not like I’m being really harsh with myself or anything. It’s all about choices.
I stuck to my points yesterday even though I was really badly organised and ended up eating sandwiches all day. I pointed them though and chose healthier options, avoiding the chocolate and pastries on offer, which I’m really quite proud of myself for. I’ve also swapped my milky coffees during the day for tea because I’m refusing to point milk because that’s too much faffing about but I have to admit the amount of milk I use in coffee is not good when I have about 4 large mugs a day at work whereas I drink tea like normal people and only use a dash of milk. I even banked a few points to save and did not feel deprived at all. Today I am much more organised. I have already eaten a ham and Philadelphia bagel for breakfast which I prepared last night, and I have a lunchbox of low point food with me, as well as a weightwatchers ready meal for lunch.
I had a sneaky peek at the scales this morning, which I know is really bad of me. But I’m feeling good about it because it showed I have dropped a couple of pounds already. That cheered me up no end and helped to spur me on when I was running late for the train. My morning journey to the station only takes about ten minutes but it is hard work for someone as unfit as me. Separating my house from the station is a deep gorge which involves steep steps and a hill on the way down, a bridge across the river and a very steep slog up the other side, then a choice of either steps or another hill to get to the far side of the station. It’s the slog up the side of the gorge which kills my legs. I can do it easier if I break the hill up into 3 stages (50 steps, 40 steps, 40 steps) with rests at every stage so I get my breath back even though my legs still hurt. On the mornings I am running late though, it’s a long haul up the hill and staggering onto the train in an attractive panting mess. Must remember to get out of bed earlier.
I miss chocolate.
I bullied my partner into coming to Tesco with me to do a food shop, as I thought the temptation of buying rubbish after a therapy session may be too strong. He even did it fairly cheerfully even though he hates food shopping, mostly because I turn it into a 2 hour drama. We bought a lot of stuff actually, and most of it fairly healthy although there was a distinct lack of fresh food. He may or may not be going climbing at the weekend, and he may or may not be going climbing tonight so it makes it hard to plan meals. I’m happy to rely on convenience foods for a while though to get me started but at some point I will need to start planning meals with fresh vegetables. We did buy some bananas and we have frozen vegetables anyway so it’s not looking too bad.
After scoffing the chocolate buttons pack bought last week, my other half persuaded me to go cold turkey on chocolate as I obviously can’t manage to have it in the house and eat one bag or bar a day. I have some Options hot chocolate sachets so I’m going to try them when I’m craving chocolate and see how I go with that. They are only half a point, and should be fairly filling as it’s a drink. The idea behind it is that by the time I’m finished with the drink, the craving will have passed and I can talk myself out of it. I don’t think I’ve ever gone cold turkey with chocolate before, as I view it as an essential food. But it’s not essential and I can’t control myself around it so he is right in not letting me buy it. I still have weightwatchers bars and other snack type stuff so it’s not like I’m being really harsh with myself or anything. It’s all about choices.
I stuck to my points yesterday even though I was really badly organised and ended up eating sandwiches all day. I pointed them though and chose healthier options, avoiding the chocolate and pastries on offer, which I’m really quite proud of myself for. I’ve also swapped my milky coffees during the day for tea because I’m refusing to point milk because that’s too much faffing about but I have to admit the amount of milk I use in coffee is not good when I have about 4 large mugs a day at work whereas I drink tea like normal people and only use a dash of milk. I even banked a few points to save and did not feel deprived at all. Today I am much more organised. I have already eaten a ham and Philadelphia bagel for breakfast which I prepared last night, and I have a lunchbox of low point food with me, as well as a weightwatchers ready meal for lunch.
I had a sneaky peek at the scales this morning, which I know is really bad of me. But I’m feeling good about it because it showed I have dropped a couple of pounds already. That cheered me up no end and helped to spur me on when I was running late for the train. My morning journey to the station only takes about ten minutes but it is hard work for someone as unfit as me. Separating my house from the station is a deep gorge which involves steep steps and a hill on the way down, a bridge across the river and a very steep slog up the other side, then a choice of either steps or another hill to get to the far side of the station. It’s the slog up the side of the gorge which kills my legs. I can do it easier if I break the hill up into 3 stages (50 steps, 40 steps, 40 steps) with rests at every stage so I get my breath back even though my legs still hurt. On the mornings I am running late though, it’s a long haul up the hill and staggering onto the train in an attractive panting mess. Must remember to get out of bed earlier.
I miss chocolate.
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
First Weigh In
I took the plunge and signed up for the monthly pass, and then went to my first weigh in last night. The group was quite small, with a few new members including me. I was the fattest person there, but I wasn’t surprised to be honest. There were a couple of people there who have lost a few stone and are close to their goal. Hopefully I will be in the same position one day.
As it was an evening, and I was wearing clothes and not holding on to the sink to support my weight, the scales clicked in at 18 stone 10. My Leader set my goal to reach 5% of my body weight which is 17 stone 11, so just under a stone. I think that is a pretty good mini goal to have and it shouldn’t take me too long. I’m hoping for a good weight loss this first week as my body gets over the shock of not being allowed to consume my weight in chocolate everyday. It’s 10 weeks until my birthday so I should have lost a stone by then, although I may re-evaluate this goal depending on how much I lose in the first couple of weeks. It might be more realistic to try for my 10% for my birthday to give me something to work hard for.
I stocked up on fruities and weightwatchers bars as an alternative to chocolate, and bought a clicker, which a friend at my office assures me is a good buy as it allows me to count my points via a clicker attached to my keys so I don’t have to remember them. I suppose it’s good to have little reminders about the place that my eating has to change.
One habit I’m determined to get stuck into is the breakfast one. I leave the house at twenty past seven, usually without eating, and arrive at the office about an hour or so later starving. This makes the ham and cheese croissants at Sheffield station fairly attractive and will power is non existent at that time of the morning. So, my new habit (which I did today) is to have a breakfast bar on my way to my local station with a bottle of water, ignore the croissants at Sheffield, grab a tea instead of a fat filled latte, and have a bowl of cereal at the office which really sets me up for the day. I have to say, I’m feeling better for it already and there were no scary tummy rumbles on the train. It helps to know that a ham and cheese croissant is probably about 12 points which is nearly half my day’s points. I might try and save up some points to have it occasionally but then I find myself asking is it really worth it? Do I want it that much? Probably not. I’d rather spend extra points on going out for meals rather than on a breakfast snack that doesn’t fill me up and lasts about 2 minutes.
I’m feeling fairly positive today. I have a good idea of what I’m going to be eating this week, although I’m going to rely on convenience food to get me started and lots of places have ranges that are either easy to point or already have the points on them. I quite like having hot ready meals at lunch time. I need to go to the shops tonight and buy some stuff in so I’m prepared
My other half will probably be away at the weekend, climbing ice or mountain biking, so I think I’m going to devote some time to myself. I’m thinking of ideas along the lines of a scrapbook to document my weight loss with pictures of how I look now and trackers to chart my progress, pictures from magazines of clothes I want to wear and the kind of things I want to be doing. I made something similar once before, a collage that was laminated and put up on the wall, which I found really motivating. I might even put it up on the section divider behind my computer at work so I have to look at it all day which may help stop snacking. Also a treat box for me to dip into when I’m feeling low or maybe as a reward for minor achievements like every pound lost although I’m more tempted to make it a “whenever” box with magazines and manicure sets. We have a load of weightwatchers recipe books donated from my Mum ages ago and some from when I did this a couple of years ago so I might dig into them as some point, although I don’t want to do too much to start with. It would be good to make no point or low point vegetable soup though.
As it was an evening, and I was wearing clothes and not holding on to the sink to support my weight, the scales clicked in at 18 stone 10. My Leader set my goal to reach 5% of my body weight which is 17 stone 11, so just under a stone. I think that is a pretty good mini goal to have and it shouldn’t take me too long. I’m hoping for a good weight loss this first week as my body gets over the shock of not being allowed to consume my weight in chocolate everyday. It’s 10 weeks until my birthday so I should have lost a stone by then, although I may re-evaluate this goal depending on how much I lose in the first couple of weeks. It might be more realistic to try for my 10% for my birthday to give me something to work hard for.
I stocked up on fruities and weightwatchers bars as an alternative to chocolate, and bought a clicker, which a friend at my office assures me is a good buy as it allows me to count my points via a clicker attached to my keys so I don’t have to remember them. I suppose it’s good to have little reminders about the place that my eating has to change.
One habit I’m determined to get stuck into is the breakfast one. I leave the house at twenty past seven, usually without eating, and arrive at the office about an hour or so later starving. This makes the ham and cheese croissants at Sheffield station fairly attractive and will power is non existent at that time of the morning. So, my new habit (which I did today) is to have a breakfast bar on my way to my local station with a bottle of water, ignore the croissants at Sheffield, grab a tea instead of a fat filled latte, and have a bowl of cereal at the office which really sets me up for the day. I have to say, I’m feeling better for it already and there were no scary tummy rumbles on the train. It helps to know that a ham and cheese croissant is probably about 12 points which is nearly half my day’s points. I might try and save up some points to have it occasionally but then I find myself asking is it really worth it? Do I want it that much? Probably not. I’d rather spend extra points on going out for meals rather than on a breakfast snack that doesn’t fill me up and lasts about 2 minutes.
I’m feeling fairly positive today. I have a good idea of what I’m going to be eating this week, although I’m going to rely on convenience food to get me started and lots of places have ranges that are either easy to point or already have the points on them. I quite like having hot ready meals at lunch time. I need to go to the shops tonight and buy some stuff in so I’m prepared
My other half will probably be away at the weekend, climbing ice or mountain biking, so I think I’m going to devote some time to myself. I’m thinking of ideas along the lines of a scrapbook to document my weight loss with pictures of how I look now and trackers to chart my progress, pictures from magazines of clothes I want to wear and the kind of things I want to be doing. I made something similar once before, a collage that was laminated and put up on the wall, which I found really motivating. I might even put it up on the section divider behind my computer at work so I have to look at it all day which may help stop snacking. Also a treat box for me to dip into when I’m feeling low or maybe as a reward for minor achievements like every pound lost although I’m more tempted to make it a “whenever” box with magazines and manicure sets. We have a load of weightwatchers recipe books donated from my Mum ages ago and some from when I did this a couple of years ago so I might dig into them as some point, although I don’t want to do too much to start with. It would be good to make no point or low point vegetable soup though.
Friday, 12 February 2010
Creaky Knees and Big Whoppers
My first post.
You know it's time to lose weight when your knees start creaking as you go up the stairs. Even worse, I'm 25. Creaky knees are for the elderly, or the very fat as I'm painfully aware. The scales were not my friend this morning at 18 stone 7. I've been here before though, and the creaky knees are always a sign my weight has crept up above 18 stone. My boyfriend thinks I'm nuts and it's a psychological awareness rather than an exact weight that makes my knees creak but whatever... things have to change.
I'm looking at WeightWatchers again. I say again, as it's the only diet I've ever tried that actually worked for me longer than 3 weeks. And I've done them all, only halfheartedly I might add, as any diet works as long as you stick to it. I'm not feeling very positive although I'm having a good day so far, what with my Special K Sustain cereal in the morning and my coffee and caramel wafer as a mid morning snack. I've got my healthy ready meal for lunch and I'm all set. But this isn't a food blog. I'm not going to list my food intake for the world to see every day, and may the gods of blogging cut off my internet access if I do.
This is a blog to keep me focused and on track with weightloss. I want to be able to look back at this post a year from now, having achieved my goals. Visualisation is important, don't you know. A year from today, what will I look like? Slimmer? Definately. Healthier? Definately. Happier? I hope so. I'm stuck in a rut, you see, and that rut is firmly located on the couch.
I'm working on my goals. Working on making them SMART. For the uninitiated, that means Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timed. As a dwarf of 5'2, my weight is supposed to be around 8 stone 7 which means I have a whopping 10 stone to lose. I can't even imagine that. I may have to saw off a limb or two to achieve it. I have to lose over half my body weight, the weight of a whole person. It's like a twisted pregnancy. I'm determined not to think of it though, as that really is the Big Whopper of goals. For now, I'll restrict myself to looking at every half stone marker and celebrate every minor milestone.
I'm supposed to have 26 points according to the online points quiz, which is quite a lot really. So, I reckon as a rough guide I should be using 5 for breakfast, 8 for lunch, 10 for dinner and 3 for snacks. I might post on the WW forum boards for advice on that though. I'm also considering going to meetings or not. I used to go to one in Manchester that was fantastic and the Leader was really motivating. When I moved house to the High Peak, the Leader at my new class was awful and I stopped going. I might post on the boards to see if anyone can recommend a Leader in my area or I might look into doing it as an online subscriber. I reckon I stand more of a chance at group meetings but only if the Leader is a positive influence.
Wish me luck xx
You know it's time to lose weight when your knees start creaking as you go up the stairs. Even worse, I'm 25. Creaky knees are for the elderly, or the very fat as I'm painfully aware. The scales were not my friend this morning at 18 stone 7. I've been here before though, and the creaky knees are always a sign my weight has crept up above 18 stone. My boyfriend thinks I'm nuts and it's a psychological awareness rather than an exact weight that makes my knees creak but whatever... things have to change.
I'm looking at WeightWatchers again. I say again, as it's the only diet I've ever tried that actually worked for me longer than 3 weeks. And I've done them all, only halfheartedly I might add, as any diet works as long as you stick to it. I'm not feeling very positive although I'm having a good day so far, what with my Special K Sustain cereal in the morning and my coffee and caramel wafer as a mid morning snack. I've got my healthy ready meal for lunch and I'm all set. But this isn't a food blog. I'm not going to list my food intake for the world to see every day, and may the gods of blogging cut off my internet access if I do.
This is a blog to keep me focused and on track with weightloss. I want to be able to look back at this post a year from now, having achieved my goals. Visualisation is important, don't you know. A year from today, what will I look like? Slimmer? Definately. Healthier? Definately. Happier? I hope so. I'm stuck in a rut, you see, and that rut is firmly located on the couch.
I'm working on my goals. Working on making them SMART. For the uninitiated, that means Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timed. As a dwarf of 5'2, my weight is supposed to be around 8 stone 7 which means I have a whopping 10 stone to lose. I can't even imagine that. I may have to saw off a limb or two to achieve it. I have to lose over half my body weight, the weight of a whole person. It's like a twisted pregnancy. I'm determined not to think of it though, as that really is the Big Whopper of goals. For now, I'll restrict myself to looking at every half stone marker and celebrate every minor milestone.
I'm supposed to have 26 points according to the online points quiz, which is quite a lot really. So, I reckon as a rough guide I should be using 5 for breakfast, 8 for lunch, 10 for dinner and 3 for snacks. I might post on the WW forum boards for advice on that though. I'm also considering going to meetings or not. I used to go to one in Manchester that was fantastic and the Leader was really motivating. When I moved house to the High Peak, the Leader at my new class was awful and I stopped going. I might post on the boards to see if anyone can recommend a Leader in my area or I might look into doing it as an online subscriber. I reckon I stand more of a chance at group meetings but only if the Leader is a positive influence.
Wish me luck xx
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